Roasted Brussels Sprouts

On the subject of how to force terrible, healthy foodstuffs to taste good: brussels sprouts. When I was a kid, these were prepared by boiling them. They were the most repulsive food I ever experienced, and to add injury to insult, boiling them removes a great deal of their health benefits.

Turns out they don't have to induce dry-heaves if you cook them properly. I've done it a few different ways now but this is by far the laziest.

Preheat the oven to 375 F. Start with fresh brussels sprouts and wash them. Cut off the stem and bottom bit and remove the outer leaves. Place them on a baking tin. My roommates like to cut them in half and place them flat side down, but I like them round so you can lazily shuffle them around halfway through to cook evenly. Drizzle the sprouts with olive oil, coarse salt and pepper. Bake for 20-25 minutes, shake them around, then bake for 20-25 more to your taste.

They come out looking like this and confusingly edible.

Recipe for people who really, really hate reading:

Remove stems from sprouts. Sprinkle with olive oil, coarse salt, and pepper. Bake for 40 minutes, agitating halfway through.

Broiled Tofu Sandwich

The last time I had considered making a cooking blog, the topic was going to be on learning to cook with less meat without hating yourself. Pork, chicken, beef, and shrimp are all pretty easy to make delicious by accident. Cut it into bite-sized pieces, fry it in oil and minced garlic. It's basically cheating. 


Tofu on the other hand is generally terrible. I searched online for recipes specifically advertised as "tofu for carnivores" and came up with "tofu scramble," which looked good. Mine was more of a pasta sauce and only sort of terrible. The next time I thought about it, I made a pasta sauce that worked pretty well. I sauteed about half as much ground sausage as I'd want in the sauce, then sauteed some tofu in the same pan and mixed both into the sauce. The tofu tasted like sausage, looked like feta cheese, and added some meatiness without being too intrusive or unhealthy. 
Some more searching and attempts yielded the following guidelines:


Always buy "Extra Firm" tofu. Really. "Firm" is not good enough.
For frying it's best fresh. If you want it absorbent and unnoticed it's best frozen, I'll freeze it and then dethaw it the next day just to get the change in texture from freezing. I'm still working on figuring out which form is best for what type of food.
In either case, it's packaged with way too much water. Poke a hole in the package and drain it. It's ludicrous. It still has too much water. Freezing helps get rid of a lot because it will form ice on the outside which you can remove. For fresh tofu, put it on a plate, hold the plate over the sink, and squeeze more water out of it like a sponge.
If you aren't too repulsed by now to eat it, you have tofu capable of not being disgusting. 


I thought I'd give this recipe from Ann's magazine a try because it suggested marinating and then grilling tofu, two things I had never tried that seemed like good ideas. I took some concepts and then ran with them based on what I had. 

First I made the marinade, which was also neat because it called for toasting the spices, then grinding them, for which we have a sweet mortar and pestle. I shook coriander, caraway seeds, a crumbled bay leaf (I removed the stem), and black pepper in a small skillet for a minute. I don't know what it accomplished but it smelled good. I dumped the spices into the mortar along with some paprika and ground them with the pestle. Next the recipe called for grinding garlic, which was not a great idea since it just got wet and stuck on everything. Next time I think I'll stick to chopping. Last I added olive oil and sambal oelek and poured the marinade over drained slabs of tofu and left it in the fridge for a few hours.


When it was time to cook, we set the oven on broil and put in a greased grill rack to heat up. Ann made vegetable skewers with grape tomatoes, onion, and zucchini; I made red pepper rings. For each I made a spice blend of salt, pepper, garlic, ground coriander, and paprika. We sprayed the vegetables with olive oil and sprinkled on the spice mix, then added them to the grill rack. 
After five minutes we added the marinated tofu and the pepper rings. Five more minutes and we flipped everything to cook for five more minutes.

To add to the sandwich, I chopped an avocado and made a sauce from ranch dressing and some leftover marinade. Then I piled it all up. In hindsight the grill marks make it hard to see that it's tofu, which is always a bonus because that stuff is more gross than my attempts at arranging a plate.

The sandwich was actually pretty good. If I did it again, I think I'd use raw peppers on the sandwich to add more crunch, but I think I'm in the minority in preferring raw vegetables to cooked. The tofu had a texture similar to eggs, so it might be decent in a breakfast wrap or something also.

Recipe for people who hate reading:

One 14 oz package extra firm tofu, drained and squeezed
1 TBSP coriander seeds
½ TBSP caraway seeds
coarse black pepper
1 bay leaf, crumbled
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp sambal oelek
4 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped
¼ cup olive oil
Ranch dressing for sauce
Whatever other vegetables and sandwich toppings you want


Shake dry spices except paprika over heated skillet for 1 minute. Grind with paprika and add to mixing dish. Add garlic, olive oil, and sambal oelek and stir. Marinate tofu for 4 - 48 hrs.
Grill tofu for five minutes on each side. Remaining marinade is good for sauces: I used ranch; the magazine suggested mayo and barbecue sauce. Compose sandwich.